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Apprehensive

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Apprehensive

I’m apprehensive
When it comes to
Loving you
Not spooked
By possibilities of being hurt
But discouraged by
What I may possibly put you through.
I could never imagine
Loving someone like myself
My self worth has been
Diminished.
Not because of insecurity
But an emotional glitch
Something infused in my heart.
It desires so much
Then…
It desires nothing at all.
I’m smiling and breathing
Simply living
But if you listen and feel…
Nothing is beating.
The light shines from a distance
However…
The closer you get
It becomes dull.
The ultimate façade
At times
I fool myself.
Is there something wrong with me?
No one gets me….
And then there’s you!
A possible turn around???
But I’m apprehensive…
Heartache.
I may have never experienced it
But I know it exist
I may have never felt the agony
But I know the distance
That it can drive you
I’ve seen it through HER eyes
I’ve felt it through HER tears
And basically
That’s why I am here.
This is why I cater to you
This is why I attend to your
Emotional need
Because when a heart bleeds…
It’s hard to stop the bleeding
And in the same breath…
I know how to take you there
I can make you feel less than nothing
I’ve experienced this.
I can shatter your world
Where thoughts of suicide are relevant
I’ve driven people to this
I’ve learned from HIS ways
I can build you up
Only to knock you down
Causing you to never trust again.
I’ve mastered HIS ways.
I’ve developed the same mind set
This is exactly why
I’m apprehensive.

© 2012 Craig Watson

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About Mr. Watson

I'm a person who believes in Happiness & Love... I feel that it empowers us to unimaginable heights... Not just the aspect of Romance... But a Love for Life... Beauty & the Unknown! However, As Positive as I try to be... the struggles of Life are relevant in my world... Perfection doesn't exist and Wise Choices haven't always been made! I try to describe those things in full detail... Bringing u visual imagery through my Poetry ! I Love Feedback... GOOD... or BAD.

34 responses »

  1. So heartfelt and menacing!

    Reply
  2. Heartfelt and menacing

    Reply
  3. This shows some real insight and objectivity into a potentially destructive relationship pattern. It’s impressive that you (or at least the you in the poem) can be upfront about it even thought it’s not your emotions at stake. So now that you’ve identified the destructive behaviors, can they be changed before the next relationship? I can’t wait to hear what happens next hint hint. Sorry, I’m so pushy.
    Also, it’s good to be aware of how your actions affect others, but no matter how much of a douchebag the you in the poem is, he didn’t cause his former girlfriend to become suicidal. That’s purely an internal process based on mental health and how she interprets things. I just wanted to throw that out there in case this actually happened to you. I can’t imagine how terrible it would feel to think you caused someone to be suicidal.
    I really like how this poem is set up; the lead in phrase and how the background story/explanation builds really drew me in.

    Reply
  4. I was wondering if you were going to continue to blog. I need to ask a question. Could you email me please.

    Reply
  5. Wow! Some heavy stuff here, Craig. The scary part is I know what you’re talking about. Been there.
    http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/04/25/this-silence-was-not-golden/

    Reply
  6. You know… who and what you are. Take control, and become who and what you want to be.

    Reply
  7. Pingback: Poetry Readers and Writers

  8. Wow this is so good. We have WAY TOO MUCH IN COMMON

    Reply
  9. I truly was rivited by the power of your poem — holding on until the end. Your insight, your voice, the cadence all were immensely compelling. It’s always an honor to read gifted artists.
    Thank you.

    Reply
  10. A really powerful piece, I enjoyed it very much.

    Reply
  11. Firstly, let me thank you for writing for me. I was thrilled to see a new writer join us for FWF! YAY!
    This is so gritty, raw and flooded with subtle intensities. Just on the edge. I love that. I applaud your courage to reach inside and not only pen down your feelings but, then to share them with us. We all have felt that we are not deserving for many reasons, yours being one that i personally have felt myself. Knowing that you will hurt them in the long run. Wanting but holding back. Maybe I can hold “that face” longer this time. I may not be making sense but, please know, I feel you here.
    Poignant write! Great addition this week! Thanks so much and I hope to see you back next week!
    Kellie

    Reply
  12. parrish lantern

    like this and will respond with a similar sentiment thanks for sharing

    The bitter Policy.

    Light was a series of Chinese whispers
    when truth became unpalatable
    in this drawing room burlesque.
    I just wanted to reach out and punch you
    for having to curb my own protest.

    Now conversation is uniform, functional
    my words come dressed in suit and tie
    when truth is violence without remorse, I
    generate the old/new lies. Such bile
    expressed in polite monosyllable.

    Such naked venom
    clothed in a smile.

    G.Moon.

    Reply
  13. This is such a relatable poem. I like the word choice. Nice work!

    Reply
  14. Brilliance in your work here. the rhythm of it pulls in like a lovers song. good job.
    http://leah-jamielynn.typepad.com/blog/2012/04/watch-read-and-get-inspired.html

    Reply
  15. That was really nice !!

    Reply
  16. Okay, so I’m reading this and half way through I start crying. I can feel so much pain in this. Afraid, not so much of being hurt, but because you know just how capable you are of hurting someone. It was learned from the best, or should I say the worst? It’s a cycle, a horrible cycle that if not broken can destroy all that you should be able to hold dear.
    So all I can say about this is…WOW! Stop making me cry, you made me smear my mascara! Very well done…well not the mascara part. LOL! Be blessed.

    http://elizena-lovingmycreator.blogspot.com/2012/05/princess-in-guilded-cage.html

    Reply
  17. Very Nice Mr.Watson.. loved it

    Reply
  18. The battle of duality. Universal. Nicely done, Mr. W. 🙂 K

    Reply
  19. Pingback: Indie Lit Award Poetry Winner: Catalina by Laurie Soriano

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