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A Man

A Man

You feel it
I conceal it
No proof it’s even there
But the feeling is so apparent
You can’t stray from the thought
It has taken control of you
I love you
I just don’t know how to explain it
Looking for the imperfect time
Because no time
Is ever a good one?
I don’t want to do this
I don’t want to hurt anyone
And that fact…
Stops me dead in my tracks
Disappointment is inevitable
Broken hearted
Prayers for strength
Because I feel I lack
The necessary courage
To speak
I’m weak…
So I continue to sit and wither away
Rotting from the inside
Pretending to be something I’m not
Whether it’s my happiness
Whether it’s me just being me
I’m not free…
For the benefit of the smiles of others
And in the process I’m losing myself
Who am I?
I no longer know
All I know
Is I am a man
An imperfect man
I would like to think I’m supportive
But in the midst of supporting
My support
Is dwindling beneath me
A husband
A provider
A protector…
It’s said that a woman’s job
Is never done
But being a man that takes on so much
I can vouch that it’s the same for us
And I don’t even know who I am
I’m lost in a world of complacency
A set schedule
To do what’s required of me
And if I’m a second too late
The world falls off its axis
I’ve lost me

© 2012 Craig Watson